I have been a terrible blogger, mostly because I’ve been really busy… being a mom, being a room parent to Lydia’s class, going back to work, keeping house, running errands, etc.

I also don’t write because I don’t think many people even read this! But what does it matter anyway? I still need to do it!

So, Rowan is just over 7 months. He is the cutest thing in the whole world. The sweetest baby boy EVER! I love him so much. He is sitting and squirming around, laughing, making all kinds of sounds. He is getting two bottom teeth. He’s eating some solid foods, but mainly still just nursing. He’s about to have his first Christmas and Lydia will have her first that we’ve really done Santa. We’re getting our tree today!

Happy Holidays!!!

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4 months

My baby is four months!

He really is a good baby. And very cute if I may say so myself. Wow.

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What can he do now? He rolled over from tummy to back at like 2 weeks! He did this for a while then stopped. Now he’s trying to roll the other way. He’s really using his hands to make things work, like pushing buttons on a musical toy and batting at things. He likes when I read him stories. He LOVES standing (assisted). He gets the cutest grin when he does this.

He had been sleeping 5-7 hour stretches at night. Last night he was up at least 3 times and nursed twice. I am dealing with a monster let-down right now. I’m talking fire hose. I think my supply is amazing because we don’t use a nipple shield. It really sucks though because it will spray Rowan and he gets pissed. Then I have to wait for the flow to stop while hopefully having a towel for it to pour into.  I’m reading some tips to help with this but none seem so appealing. I also read that babies will not want to comfort nurse with overactive let down and many wean early. Boo. Well, we’ll see about that. That may be why Rowan is such a quick nurser and doesn’t like to comfort nurse or fall asleep nursing.

Lydia started preschool and is doing really well.

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She has finally given up the bottle and is sleeping pretty good at night in her new bed!

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I love my family!

3 years and 3 months

Hard to believe but I now have an almost 4 month old and a 3 year old!

Lydia had a great birthday. I have such an amazing daughter. She really has taught me so much, like the importance of patience, and creativity… and what sleep deprivation really feels like! HA!

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She starts full time Montessori preschool Monday! AHH! I’m so not ready for this. We have to be there by 8 am. She gets out at 3:15. It’s a full day. Thankfully, the school is only a block away. It’s still gonna be tough to get her dressed and out the door. Meet the teacher is tonight! Wow.

Rowan is also going strong. He’s a pretty good baby. Super cute too. 

ImageLife is generally good, although husband is worried about his job security. Of course that has me worried too. I simply don’t want to go back to work and leave my kiddos. So we’ll see what happens with that. 

I’m in the process of purging and organizing. I have made at least 6 donations to Goodwill in the past month, but I still feel like we have so much stuff. Argh. I’m getting there.

I hear Rowan babbling on the baby monitor. He doesn’t wake up crying…. just cooing. Sweet baby.

 

 

 

3 months

My baby is three months today! Feels like just yesterday he was three weeks.

Unbelievable. 

Right now he is the sweetest baby on earth.  

He smiles back when I smile at him. He’s discovering his hands.  He can hold his head up and roll over.  He can sleep through the night. He loves to snuggle and co-sleep. He squeals. 

So cute!

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11 1/2 weeks

ImageI seriously can not get enough of this little face. Rowan is the cutest baby in the world. He is so sweet too. He doesn’t cry when he wakes up. The other day I woke him up from a long nap by touching his foot. He opened his eyes and when I said Hi he gave me the biggest smile. Who does that!? He is awesome. He likes tummy time and can hold his head like a champ. He can roll from front to back. He smiles and coos while nursing. He has a dimple in his left cheek – so adorable.

He sleeps through the night. All night!

I am finally enjoying my little guy. The first 6 weeks or so were the hardest I’ve ever been through, but we’re settling in. It is hard juggling two kids sometimes. Rowan doesn’t do too well in the car. He can’t self sooth in there and will spit out the paci every time. Hopefully that gets better.

Lydia is starting preschool next month. She’ll be 3! I look forward to getting to know Rowan better during that time and doing more things for myself.

 

 

8 weeks

Nope I’m not 8 weeks pregnant, instead I’m writing about my 8 week old baby.

It’s been 8 weeks since my c-section.

8 weeks since I first saw my beautiful baby boy.

8 weeks since my world changed forever.

The first 6 weeks were up and down – mostly down. Digging myself out of the post partum depression was very difficult. But thanks to a lot of support from my wonderful husband, medication and a therapist, and just plain old time, I feel much better.

I am not 100% healed, but I am functioning quite well, living life as best I can. Taking the kids out and finding a new routine in my new unpredictable world.

I am loving my baby boy more and more every day. It just hit me one day. Spending time gazing into his dark blue eyes one day it just hit me. Oh my God I love this kid! I felt a real connection for the first time since his birth. Don’t get me wrong it was love at first sight with Rowan, but to actually feel it… and not feel anxiety, exhaustion, or utter sadness at the same time. Just pure joy.

He has started smiling and cooing and he really, really looks at me. When I stare into his eyes and tell him I love him I swear he smiles back. He has a dimple on only his left cheek. He likes to sit upright and is letting me put him down for longer spells so he can explore the world. 

These things I’m learning every day and actually look forward to seeing him in the morning, no matter how early.

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Re-entry

Rowan is 5 weeks tomorrow. Two weeks into his life I sank into a deep post partum depression that hit like a ton of bricks. I was really hoping to avoid it this time around.  With Lydia I had the “luxury” of sitting at home and crying with one baby, having no one else to take care of. This time around I had another little person pulling my arm and calling my name every five seconds, which led me into a downward spiral I couldn’t pull myself out of. Such a dark place.

Wishing the baby away. Wanting my “old” life back. Intense feelings of guilt and sadness. Panic.

Horrible.

The meds have kicked in and Glen is staying home for a while. He’s told most of his family and our friends, which makes me very ashamed. I feel like I can’t carry out the most natural of duties: being a mom.

Things are slowly getting better and I can see a VERY faint light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s still hard. Hopefully my next post will be more optimistic.

2 weeks

ImageMy little man is 2 weeks old (yesterday).  The past two weeks have been a roller coaster. Phew. Lydia is taking to her brother well. She loves to nuzzle his soft head, give him his pacifier and say “He looking me!”  However, she has been acting out in various ways like crying more, throwing things and even pushed a boy at the park! Hopefully she’ll revert back to her sweet self, but I suppose all this is a huge adjustment to such a little girl.  

Rowan is doing well. He’s above his birth weight, breastfeeding well and waking every 3 hours or so overnight to eat and change a diaper. The past few days he’s been really gassy and a little fussy. I noticed he has thrush on his tongue. I hope it goes away and it’s not bothering him too much!

Being a mom to two kids is a huge adjustment.  I’ve had moments of panic and sadness for the life I had before. I miss my alone moments with Lydia. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way for Rowan. It’s hard to split your time!  I also feel momentary panic when I think of Glen going back to work. We’ll have to figure it out! Thankfully Lydia will be in school 3 days a week. I think that will help.  

 

Rowan is here

Not sure how long this will be as I’m in between nursings and other things…

Rowan Maxwell came via cesarean birth Monday May 6th at 1:16 pm.  He was 8 lbs. 19 3/4 inches and perfect. I am a truly lucky, happy mama.

ImageWe are currently at home recovering. Well I’m recovering. Everyone else is trying to settle in. So far so good. Lydia loves her baby brother. More on that in other posts.

C-section recovery is tough, tougher with a toddler in the house, but it’s coming along. I’m feeling better every day. Rowan is a good nurser. Everything seems “easier” the second time around because I sort of feel like I know what I’m doing. What’s been hard is not being able to be there as much for Lydia. Physically I can’t do as much as I’d like and she’d like but she’s been as patient as a 2 year old can be.

More to come….

 

Dear Lydia

Dear Lydia,

You are my….

Sweet girl

Stinkerdoodle

Baby girl

Scrunchy face

Pretty girl

Big sister.

You are all these and so much more.

You are my first.

My daughter.

Thanks for teaching me how to be a mama. I know I’m still learning.

You have given life more meaning than you’ll ever know. I look at you EVERY day and thank God I get to spend my days with you; to see the world through your eyes.  Some days I feel like I’m not doing enough… that I get it all wrong. Then you say “Mama, I love you so much” and the slate is wiped clean.

Your baby brother is almost here.  My newest joy will be seeing you loving him and teaching ME how to be the mother of two children.

No matter how big you get, you’ll always be my baby girl.

I love you forever and ever Lydia.

~ Mama